Saturday, September 3, 2016

A blind dad's guide to cooking almost anything

When I found out Michelle was pregnant I made a list of things I’d like to accomplish with my last nine months of freedom. the first and most important thing on the list was learn to cook. There are a lot of great blind cooks out there. One even made it on master chef, which is the ultimate goal of at least 99% of all cooks maybe. Let’s just say I had a ways to go.

I bought a talking meat thermometer and got to work. Turns out cooking isn’t as hard as I expected. If you are also a blind dad, or blind, or a dad, or neither, you will find below a list of my methods.

 

the boiling method
  1. google “how to boil x” The top hit on google is always tastiest. If there are too many ads or it’s one of those sites that makes you click through for all the steps I recommend trying the second result from the top.
  2. Put x in boiling water
  3. Go pee, taking care to wash your hands if you will be sharing the food with others.
  4. Taste the food. If it isn’t done, repeat steps 3 and 4 until it tastes fully cooked, or your patience runs out.

 

The oven method

this is my personal favourite.

  1. Google “how to cook x in the oven” If you do not have butter or barbecue sauce on your phone you are not googling hard enough.
  2. Put some foil on a baking sheet so there will be less dishes if the foil doesn’t rip.
  3. Place meat or other food on the foil.
  4. Pour just a few drops of olive oil on x. When you inevitably pour oil all over the pan, use a paper towel to soak up most of the oil.
  5. Wipe hands on pants.
  6. Place tray in oven and cook for about 15 minutes at 400 degrees, or until you realize you forgot to set your timer and you feel hungry.
  7. Check the temperature with your talking thermometer. If the temperature is almost at the recommended safe temperature for the food you are cooking it’s probably safe to eat. If your wife is pregnant, best to cook the food until it is at least 50 degrees above the safe temperature.

 

Have you had the baby yet?

No. Probably wouldn’t be wasting everybody’s time with this post if I had. Michelle and I have been enjoying this week quite a bit. Most of the things around the house are ready. I booked a few days off gigs expecting to have a baby. It feels like we’re having a little mini vacation until baby comes. But seriously, hurry up already!

3 comments:

  1. Keep the posts coming Keith! I love them!! You two will make lovely parents!! ❤️

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  2. Sleep as much as you possibly can right now. Best advice I have.

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  3. I am neither blind nor a parent but I enjoy humour and thus am loving your blog! Can't wait to get another chance to post Keith, this is great :)

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